I always wondered what it’d be like to sleep with a woman – so I decided to share my first time experience with another woman and it was so empowering
Writer Kate Leaver wanted to use Tinder to carry out her greatest dream after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend. Sharing her experience of first time with another woman.
Friday night, and I’m two hours into my first ever date with a girlfriend, with four drinks and three passionate kisses. We stumble into the street from a tiny bar and smile at each other. “So, are you coming home with me?”So, are you coming home with me?
I’ve always been in relationships with guys before, so I’ve always wondered what sleeping with a woman will be like. It was never about a single individual; it was just fleeting dreams about strangers. When I was 24, I began viewing lesbian porn and found that women’s bodies were turning me on. For years, that was my secret – and I liked it that way.
Ten seconds have gone, and then I’m going to kiss her in a way that says, “Hell, yes” before I hail a taxi and drop into the back seat. She sends the driver instructions to her seat. Then pins me up against the glass, laughs at me and kisses me with her ridiculously gorgeous lips. Her hands are all over me and my breathing becomes shallow.
I started watching lesbian porn when I was 24 and realised women’s bodies turned me on.
Then my long-term engagement ended when I was 27, and for the first time since I was 19, I found myself alone. It was an excruciating break-up – I loved him so much – but it was inevitable. For roughly three months, I cried every day, then downloaded Tinder, as I figured it would help me move forward.
It reminded me, at first, that there were people who could fancy me. It was a strange, soothing way to get back into the game; swiping through pictures of guys until I felt ready without having to interact with any.
My swiping-but-not-talking process lasted a month, before I decided to meet one guy for a drink after being prompted by some working buddies. Then, as he wanted to kiss me, I turned around and raced to the bus stand, getting on the first one that arrived. Uh, cringe. She suggested I try again when I told my sister. Dinner with an Italian male model, three erotic evenings with a beautiful Frenchman. Four intimate dates later with a 21-year-old Dutchman, my confidence steadily recovered.
With men, I was lucky to swipe right once every 40 photos. With women, it was more like one in four.
I was idly browsing through the app late one night, about six months after I entered, when a screenshot of an incredibly hot pair ‘looking for another girl for fun’ caught my attention.
Initially, out of interest, I wanted to adjust my setting to ‘Women Only’ and began swiping. I would pause and imagine each girl kissing her to test whether I still find the entire thing hot. I have. With guys, once every 40 pictures, I was fortunate to swipe correct. It was more than one in four with the girl.
I had my first match with Maria. There was 28-year-old Cassie, with long dark hair, twice as curvy as I am, twice as optimistic, and an utter fantasy. But Cassie quickly made it clear that she and her partner needed a threesome, and that wasn’t part of my scheme, so we finished our conversation, wishing each other good luck.
“I’m actually just trying to make new friends, nothing sexual.” Sophie, a bohemian-looking artist with puppies in her pictures and a pixie haircut, said. I told her I was after the very reverse, she said she agreed. We followed each other on Instagram as a little sign of online encouragement.
Isabella, 22, conversed mostly in emojis; Myf, a nice 27-year-old from Wales, was just in town for three days; and Bobbie, 29, was too fond of her cats for me. I was always anxious to find my first girl hook-up at this stage, but I was just enjoying the post, too. It felt entirely different from talking with boys. First time with another woman
Girl-on-girl Tinder felt gentler and less threatening. Nobody offered to send me dick pics straight away.
Tinder, the girl-on-girl, looked gentler and less menacing. Nobody shared me dick pictures right away, or when I said I wasn’t involved, they got angry. Yeah, things might get cheeky-a few girls revealed just what they wanted me to do-but it was never without a simple lead-up that indicated approval and comfort on my part.
Fulfilling My Sexual Fantasies
I paired up with a girl named Nikky a month into my ‘Women Only’ mission. She was Irish, pretty, and four years younger than I was. She was seated at a candlelit table in one of her photos, wearing a low-cut black outfit, smiling at the camera.
When I entered, she was already there, seated in the back corner of the bar on a black velvet bench. Wearing the tight black dress in her picture. She ordered me an elderflower drink, feeling my nerves, and we covered the normal field of discussion for first dates: careers, siblings, jokes, favorite TV shows. Yet I was painfully conscious of two things all the time: her eyes on my body, and her hand moving from my knee north.
Her curiosity in me was evident – and I realized I was drawn to her. I recall touching her mouth with my thumb at some point and briefly stroking the side of her face. For a bit, we continued this nice little seduction dance, sitting closer and closer to each other and inventing excuses for touching, then arguing about something utterly unsexy to allow me some time to work up my bravery. First time with another woman
She pinned me down on her purple sheets and talked to me while she kissed her way down my chest.
We got naked, easy, easily. She paused to verify if I was Fine, but I was more than OK. I was utterly hypocritical. I couldn’t avoid staring at her, holding her, anywhere, kissing her. As she kissed her way down my chest, tummy, and tops of my thighs, she pinned me down on her purple sheets and spoke with me. She stepped down on me and it looked great, like she understood what she was actually doing. Then I turned her over and did the same – it was interesting and confusing to be behind her thighs. For hours, we messed about with each other’s limbs, and fell asleep tangled up together. First time with another woman
The next morning, I went home feeling absolutely happy. I was sleeping with a guy, and it was just as nice and rough as I had imagined it would be. We didn’t see each other again, but that’s only because I relocated 13,500 kilometers from Australia to the UK. For a bit, we stayed in contact until she got back with an ex-girlfriend and I started falling in love with a man. I take one person’s affection at a time, whether they’re male or female.
Sleeping with Nikky changed me. It made me feel powerful and sexy and open to anything.
I desire monogamy with a guy right now, but it doesn’t actually make me strictly heterosexual. I keep fantasizing about women. Sleeping with Nikky modified me anyway.
It might sound strange, but it made me see my own body as sexy by having another woman orgasm. For years, I hadn’t told anybody, and it felt amazing to hug myself on that hidden night. They were surprised, but still proud of me, when I actually opened up to a few good friends, and I loved it. First time with another woman
Kate, the girl with the good grades, good job and good friendship, was still sensible, nice and bookish. A woman’s sex brought out a mystical, adventurous aspect that nobody, myself included, anticipated. It also taught me to see sex in a more personal way, and to demand from any companion, male or female – whether I find them on Tinder or IRL – the degree of reverence and tenderness. If the time was perfect, it’s something I’d do again. And if this is all I can do, bloody heck, what can’t I do?